I Think I Love You Better Now

Artist: Ed Sheeran - Lego House

Lately, a lot of things have changed in my life. I'm maturing. I'm being more open with others. I'm hurting. I'm growing. I'm laughing. I'm happy. At times, I'm sad. I'm living. But most importantly, I LOVE. 

September 15, will mark my 18 month as a resident in Los Angeles, California. I moved here in pursuit of fulfilling a purpose I know will eventually happen. Not on my own merits, exactly, though I give this all I've got. But when you are intended and created to be something, nothing can get in the way of that goal. That dream. That passion inside that tells you to keep moving forward. Absolutely nothing...

Recently, my mind has been on overload. My thoughts seem to pour in from every direction and, often times, I find myself lost in a day-dream. I feel as though God is trying to tell me something, but I'm not listening hard enough. Ever have that feeling that your moment of opportunity is just around the corner? Well I have felt that way for the past few months and, frankly, nothing seems to have changed. I wake up everyday and pretty much do the same exact thing, as if on a loop that never ends. Repeatedly, giving my best attempt at changing the course of my life forever. 

But wait...

What I'm looking for has already begun to happen. We often use the term "turning point" to signify a defining moment in our lives that we believe single-handedly brought about this dramatic shift in a given situation. Especially one that results in a beneficial gain. However, what if we viewed this event as a "turning curve"? One that takes place over an extended period of time and begins the day we decide to do something about our current circumstances. 

Nothing ever happens over night. To be honest, that's what I was waiting for. Not waiting in the sense of nothingness. I put my all into everything I set out to accomplish. The passion I have for singing and songwriting and acting is uncanny. I can't remember the last time I went a day without singing a tune, humming a melody, or reciting a line from a classic movie. It's what I do! It's what I live! It's who I am!

I write all of this to tell you that despite the rut I have been in lately. Despite having my agency close it's doors for good. Despite feeling as though the light at the end of the tunnel just grew dimmer. I HAVE A REASON TO SMILE, I HAVE A REASON TO LIVE, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY I HAVE A REASON TO NOT LOSE HOPE!! Everything that has transpired happened to me for a reason. I have learned that I can no longer play the victim of my circumstances, rather than the victor! Just because my life doesn't go exactly how I thought it should, doesn't mean i have failed. It doesn't mean I have lost. It, assuredly, doesn't mean that I must give up. Because I always end up with something greater on the other side... A LESSON! I am constantly learning how to better myself and how to move  beyond even the worst of outcomes. At the end of the day, I stick with it and refuse to succumb to the desire of wanting everything immediately!!! I let it go and simply realize that I love it better... Now!